STOKED ON SHIT

COOL MERMAIDS

This may or may not have been under the influence of a shared margarita pitcher.

I have to read poetry before I go to sleep every night.
Otherwise, I just lay there thinking like a lunatic.
I start building mental blue prints of how i'll be different the next day & so on.
Which is great, except I start getting overwhelmed with;
my inevitable fuck ups,
the faces that are miles away,
all the school work I haven't done,
bills, letters I haven't sent, things i haven't said,
"what the fuck am I doing?".
So, I read some Dorianne Laux until i'm asleep.

Sketchbook drawings for Tif's zine.

I'm staring at this mug of caffeine that's getting cold.
I guess I feel like crying. I had this bummer fucking dream.
I was on the bus and I heard this guy tell his girlfriend that he thinks of her as
a song he can't stop listening to. But he's scared one day she'll be
something he's been attached to for so long, the words won't be as special.
She didn't look offended or hurt by that. I probably wouldn't be either.
What a fucking way to put it.
What a familiar fucking feeling.
I play these songs that swirl around in my skull all day long,
but eventually they aren't that special anymore. Maybe in hindsight. But not the same.
BUMMER DREAMS.

I'd rather be drunk & in love.

A shitty dark drawing to describe feelings I'm too nervous

to even talk about.

Tried to go to sleep, but then I read this.

Perhaps my life is nothing but an image of this kind; perhaps I am doomed to retrace my steps under the illusion that I am exploring, doomed to try and learn what I should simply recognize, learning a mere fraction of what I have forgotten.
- Andre Breton

Spring time

My winter made me feel a lot like that drawing. My whole experience in SC, thinking about people that aren't in my life anymore, moving to a cold city, being unemployed, being too far from friends, not enough good conversations, not knowing where to get cozy, piles & piles of bullshit.It's possible i've just changed old habits for new ones. But I think i'm figuring some shit out, and reassessing a lot of things I should have gotten around to a lot sooner.I sat around listening to a lot of stoner metal and drinking 40's with a couple people this weekend. I need really simple (awesome) social interactions. I like listening to people dissect their shitty day through conversation over Tecate and Bongripper.
The weather in Chicago finally changed. Just opening my windows made me happy about living here. I rode bikes with Teresa yesterday and we grabbed some coffee & lemonade nearby and it got me stoked on doing that ALL spring. I'm broke, sugar high off mexican coca cola, almost drunk, studying fetal skulls, trying to build friendships, and thinking about all these projects I need to start.I'm ok with those things.
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